Through A Daughter's Eyes: Watching Dad's Valley of Cancer

4:20 p.m. Dad talked to an oncologist at the Lethbridge Regional Hospital and the tumor is too big to operate on, so there will be no operation. The tumor is outside the liver, but there is a bit in the liver and also a bit in the lungs. At this point, treatment could either be chemotherapy or radiation, but any treatment will be decided after a biopsy is done to see what kind of cancer it is and Dad speculates that it might happen sometime next week, but it's not certain. There is swelling in his legs because of a vein being choked by the cancer and if they can't get the swelling in Dad's legs to go down, he might have a month, but I'm not sure how accurate that is and who's to say how much time he has left anyway? We are not in control here; God is. Anyway, it took me a while to actually type this, as who wants to hear that their dad is dying from a pain in the derriere cancer that is so aggressive and forces him to drink again just to cope? This evening, Mom...

My mom brought my dad back from the hospital and apparently, the cancer started in the adrenal gland and apparently, that is a really rare place for it to originate from. He has an appointment with a specialist in the city tomorrow. 9:45: Dad's appetite was good today; he ate two helpings of liver and onions for dinner and then a piece of pumpkin pie and whipped cream. I think it's awesome he was able to eat well tonight!

8:15 p.m. Dad couldn't eat very much and can't do a lot on his own; he had to get a mickey today and can't even drink all of it. He was like "I am so f***ing tired of this " and I am quoting him, so it's not like I'm cussing. Mom wanted him to be back in the hospital and he got angry at that, but she returned him to the hospital because they can help him more there. There were calls from people offering support and I'm grateful that I finally made the blog public, as every drop of support is NEEDED and appreciated. Additionally, when he found out he had terminal cancer, he had just gotten through a week of rehab and came home after quitting it. He had been offered a new trucking job and was due to start the day he got the news. If he had gotten the new job, he would have continued drinking and driving like he was before when he trucked for Kunsman.  Now that he is dying, he is continuing to drink with the attitude, "F*** it, I'm going to ...

8:21 a.m.: Dad is returning to the hospital, but at least I was able to see him off. 4:24 p.m.: Visited Dad and sat with him outside for a bit and took pictures of him and Frodo together while he enjoyed a cigarette. He said he might come back home on Wednesday or Thursday because his CT scan is Wednesday and he supposedly gets his results Thursday and he wonders what the point of him staying in the hospital is after he gets his results as what can they do for him if the results aren't good, since he is already on potassium. I then wheeled him back inside to his hospital room and asked a staffer to take a picture of him and I and said I found it important because I never knew when the opportunity to do so would run out. 9:35 p.m.: Mom told me that when she was visiting Dad at the hospital, he said, "I'm never going to see my grandchildren, am I?" and hearing that about broke my heart because I am the oldest and a girl and I feel responsible b...

12:08 p.m.: Dad got out of the hospital on an overnight pass and he, Mom, and I went to Lethbridge to take care of some things and we were only there for a few hours, but he didn't feel good at the end. 3:06 p.m.: We went around Lethbridge and eventually ended up at McDonalds in Fairmont Park and Dad said that he wanted a milkshake and I told him he could have anything he wanted. We got Dad a new burger that was on the menu and shrimp wraps for Mom and I. 8:41 p.m.: Dad told me that he thinks that it's not a matter of months, but a matter of weeks that he has left. He said that he feels himself getting weaker and weaker and I told him that if he felt that way, he should make a will and arrangements. He said he wanted to go to Spokane for the reunion, but Mom said she is not going to take him across the border in his condition in case he were to die down there, as she would never be debt free. Dad also said that he wants a million dollars and to go fishing in a boat and he s...

4:30ish p.m.: I am sitting out on the porch with Mom, Dad, and the pets and we're eating chips. Dad mentioned that the chips don't taste right to him. I heard he vacuumed and his face got very red as a result, so it probably wasn't a good idea but he does want to feel useful and keep busy There are times he is grouchy and times he is sedate, calm-like. Not long into the little hang-out on the porch, Dad fell asleep, so we let him sleep. 9:00 p.m.: We visited Dad at the hospital again and sat outside for a bit so he could smoke. Bishop Duce came by briefly and after he left, we sat and talked a bit before wheeling him back to his room. It's amazing how physically strong he was before this and the cancer has just beaten the crap out of him and he is so tired all the time.

When my mom, brother, and I went to visit Dad today, my mom shared some news with me in the car on the way to the hospital; the doctors figured it was Stage 4 cancer that he has and that it obviously metastasized, as it didn't begin in the liver, but most likely in the bowels. We didn't stay for long and I admit I had a reaction alternating between crying and intense heartburn from the stress of it. Anyway, Mom and I went back to the hospital later and we ended up having a pleasant visit and a funny photo session which ended up sort of being an emotional release for the three of us.

Dad went for an emergency ultrasound at the Lethbridge Regional Hospital and he was driven there by a family friend and in the afternoon, my mom took my brother and I up to the Raymond Hospital and my dad told us that he was 'toast' and went on to explain that a mass was found pressing on his liver. Right away, Dad expressed his belief that it was cancer, which is what both of his parents passed away from, albeit they were older than Dad is now. He kept going on about how he might not see Christmas and stuff like that and it saddened me to see him so despondent. Dad is currently 62.

After weed-whipping his leg and having my mom treat it with peroxide and ointment for a few days, my dad became physically unwell and my mom took him to the ER with the intention of having his leg looked at. However, after a time, I learned from my mother that the doctor wanted to admit my father to the hospital and that his potassium was at a dangerously low rate...